Self-Criticism: Meeting Your Inner Critic
That harsh voice in your head that says you're not good enough? It's not the truth. Learn where it comes from, why it's so loud, and how to create distance from its constant criticism.
✨ By the end of this, you'll understand:
- What the inner critic is — and why it's not the truth about you
- Where it comes from — understanding its origins takes away some of its power
- The "Notice and Name" technique — a way to create distance from harsh self-talk
- How to apply this daily — building a new relationship with self-criticism
That Voice in Your Head
Understanding the inner critic
You know the voice. It's the one that says you're not smart enough, not talented enough, not attractive enough. It points out every flaw and every failure. It compares you to others and finds you lacking. It sounds so certain, so authoritative, that you often believe it without question.
The inner critic says things like:
"You're such an idiot. Why did you say that?"
"Everyone else has it together. What's wrong with you?"
"You're going to fail. You always do."
"Who do you think you are? You don't deserve that."
"You're a fraud and everyone can see it."
If any of those sound familiar, you have an inner critic. Almost everyone does. But here's what most people don't realize: the inner critic isn't you, and it isn't telling the truth.
Where Does It Come From?
Your inner critic wasn't born with you. It was built over time, often in childhood, from messages you received about yourself and the world. It might have started as:
- Critical parents or caregivers. If you were frequently criticized as a child, you internalized that voice. What was once someone else's words became your own self-talk.
- An attempt to protect you. Oddly, the inner critic often started as protection. If you criticize yourself first, you're prepared for when others criticize you. If you set low expectations, you won't be disappointed.
- Cultural and social messages. Society tells us we should be smarter, prettier, more successful. We absorb these messages and turn them into internal standards we can never meet.
- Perfectionism. The belief that anything less than perfect is failure creates an impossible standard — and the inner critic enforces it relentlessly.
Key insight: The inner critic feels like the truth because it's been with you so long. But it's actually just one voice among many in your head — and it's usually the harshest, least accurate one. Learning to see it as a voice rather than as reality is the first step to freedom.
Notice and Name
A technique for creating distance
You can't silence the inner critic entirely — not right away, and maybe not ever. But you can change your relationship to it. Instead of being fused with it (believing its every word), you can learn to observe it from a distance. This technique is called "Notice and Name."
The Steps
Notice the Critic is Speaking
The first step is simply noticing when the inner critic shows up. This is harder than it sounds because the critic often operates in the background. You might feel bad about yourself without realizing a critical thought triggered it.
Look for signs: feeling suddenly down, anxious, or ashamed. Harsh self-judgments. Comparisons to others. Thoughts starting with "I should..." or "I'm so..." When you notice these patterns, pause and ask: "Is the inner critic talking right now?"
Name What's Happening
Once you've noticed the critic, label it. Say to yourself: "There's the inner critic." Or "The critic is talking." Or even "Hello, critic."
This simple act of naming creates distance. You're no longer lost in the thought. You're observing it. You're the one noticing the critic — which means you are not the critic.
Some people give their critic a name or an image to make it even more separate. "There's Judge Judy again." "The perfectionist has arrived." Find whatever works for you.
Don't Argue — Acknowledge
Here's the counterintuitive part: don't try to argue with the critic or prove it wrong. That often makes it louder. Instead, simply acknowledge that it's there.
"I notice I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough."
"The critic is telling me I always fail."
"There's that familiar voice again."
You're not agreeing with the critic. You're not disagreeing. You're just observing. The thought is there. It's a thought. That's all.
Ask: "Is This Helpful?"
Now, from this place of distance, you can evaluate the thought. Not "is this true?" (that leads to endless debate), but "is this helpful?"
Does believing this thought help you be the person you want to be? Does it help you move toward what matters? Does it make your life better?
If the answer is no — and it usually is with the inner critic — you can choose to let the thought be there without acting on it or believing it.
🔄 Putting It Together
Here's what this looks like in practice...
You give a presentation at work. Afterward, your mind says: "That was terrible. Everyone could see how nervous you were. They probably think you're incompetent."
Old pattern: Believe the thought. Feel ashamed. Replay the presentation looking for evidence of failure. Spiral.
New pattern: "There's the critic. It's telling me the presentation was terrible. I notice I'm having the thought that everyone thinks I'm incompetent. Is this thought helpful? No. It's making me feel worse without changing anything. I can let this thought be here without believing it. The presentation is done. I did my best."
The thought might still be there. But you're not fused with it anymore. You're observing it. That changes everything.
Tip: This takes practice. You've spent years automatically believing the inner critic. Learning to notice and name it is a skill you build over time. Start with small moments. Be patient with yourself.
Common Challenges
What to do when this is hard
Working with the inner critic isn't easy. Here are the challenges most people face, and how to navigate them.
"But the critic is right. I really am [not good enough / a failure / etc.]"
The critic has been with you so long that it feels like truth. But consider: Would you say these things to a friend? Would you speak to a child the way the critic speaks to you? The critic's "truths" are often distortions — exaggerations, generalizations, ignoring all evidence to the contrary. Even if there's a kernel of truth somewhere, the critic's delivery is not helpful. You can acknowledge areas for growth without tearing yourself apart.
"I try to notice the critic, but I get swept up before I realize it's happening."
This is normal, especially at first. The critic operates so fast and so automatically that you're often deep into self-criticism before you notice. Start by catching it after the fact: "Oh, I was in critic mode earlier." Over time, you'll catch it sooner and sooner. Any noticing is progress.
"When I name the critic, it just gets louder."
Sometimes naming the critic feels like giving it attention, which makes it stronger. If this happens, try a different approach: instead of naming it, simply acknowledge the thought and add "...and that's a thought." "I'm a failure — and that's a thought." This defuses the thought without directly engaging with the critic.
"Without the critic, won't I become complacent or stop improving?"
This is a common fear, but it's backward. The inner critic doesn't actually motivate improvement — it motivates avoidance and shame. Research shows that self-compassion (the opposite of the critic) leads to more motivation, resilience, and growth. You can have high standards without being cruel to yourself about falling short.
"I've been criticizing myself my whole life. Can this really change?"
Yes. The relationship with your inner critic can change. It takes time — you're rewiring decades of habit — but many people find significant relief. You may never silence the critic completely, but you can learn to hear it without believing it. That's the goal: not silence, but freedom.
Using This in Daily Life
Building awareness over time
The "Notice and Name" technique becomes powerful through repetition. Here's how to build it into your everyday life.
Know Your Triggers
When does your inner critic get loudest? Common triggers include: making mistakes, receiving feedback, comparing yourself to others on social media, social situations, work challenges, looking in the mirror. Notice your patterns. When you know your triggers, you can be extra vigilant in those moments.
Check In Regularly
Set a few moments throughout the day to ask yourself: "What's my self-talk like right now?" You can link this to existing habits — when you pour your morning coffee, when you get in the car, before bed. Regular check-ins help you catch the critic even when it's subtle.
Practice in Low-Stakes Moments
Don't wait for the critic to be screaming at you to practice. Use the technique on mild self-criticism too. Spill your coffee and think "ugh, I'm so clumsy"? Practice: "There's the critic commenting on my clumsiness. That's a thought." Building the skill in small moments makes it easier to use in big ones.
Be Patient With Yourself
You will forget to notice. You will get swept up in self-criticism. You will believe the critic sometimes. That's okay. This isn't about being perfect at fighting self-criticism (that would just be more perfectionism). It's about gradually building awareness and creating more choice in how you respond.
Next Steps
Where to go from here
You've now met your inner critic and learned a technique for creating distance from it. This is the beginning of a different relationship with yourself.
Start noticing. Over the next few days, simply pay attention to your self-talk. How often does the critic speak? What does it say? What triggers it? You're gathering data. Awareness is the first step.
Practice the technique. When you catch the critic, try Notice and Name. "There's the critic." "I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough." "Is this thought helpful?" See what happens when you create even a little distance.
Remember: The inner critic has been with you for years. It won't change overnight. But it can change. Each moment of noticing is progress. Each time you create distance is a small victory. Be patient with yourself. You're learning something important — how to be on your own side.
💜 Bring this back to therapy
Notice when your inner critic speaks loudest this week. What does it say? What triggers it? Bring these observations to your next session so you can explore the patterns together.
Want to keep this as a reference?
This resource is intended to support—not replace—your work with a licensed therapist. It provides information and exercises based on evidence-informed approaches, but is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you're in crisis or need immediate support, please contact your therapist or a crisis helpline.